To Cum Or Not To Cum?
Hello. So this time I wanted to talk to you about one of the common myths about Tantra. I quite often get people telling me ‘isn’t it all about not coming?’. And that’s kind of what people believe Tantra can be about. Let me just absolutely brush that away to begin with.
For me, as a gay man, we’ve had 2000 years of the catholic church telling us what we should and shouldn’t do…and guilt, shame and judgements. We’re kind of told by many different religions and different people about what is and isn’t right. For me the first thing about Tantra that it isn’t - it really is not about telling you whether you should come or not. The other thing I like to mention is for me, when we look at the idea of coming or ejaculation, the one thing is, the one question that I have is: how can something that is so ‘wrong’ feel so good? Just think about that for the moment: it feels really good. As you feel that kind of energy, that kind of ecstasy, those really beautiful pleasures surging through your body. And you kind of ask yourself ‘how can something that feels so good be so wrong’.
For me, from a Tantric perspective, it’s quite simple. I advocate absolute choice. There are some facts that we know as men. Firstly we know that if we come, if we ejaculate, then we lose our energy. So if you think about that, if you’re having sex or you’re self pleasuring, you kind of notice that your arousal states goes up and I think statistically men ejaculate within 15 minutes of sexual activity. And great, that works for some men and they are happy with that and life is good. The thing that comes in from a tantric perspective, what we’re trying to do, before you get to that 15 minutes, at 14 minutes to stop and then go in for another 14 minutes. And then go in for another 14 minutes. And to keep repeating that. One of the things we’re teaching in Tantra is the idea of building that sexual energy almost like a cauldron, like a pot, until it’s almost explosive. The other thing that we teach you in Tantra is about what to do with that once you are building that up.
So let me dispel that myth, Tantra is absolutely not about not coming. It’s not about that at all. It is about choice. Sometimes you’ll choose to ejaculate, great, enjoy it, go ahead. And other times you’ll choose to build the cauldron to take you somewhere different, maybe somewhere you haven’t experienced before. So I hope that dispels that myth and if you like that and you have any questions then let me know and I’ll be happy to answer them for you.