My journey with Tantra
It is difficult to say when and how things started but I will try and draw a generalised view on the start and take it from there.
For a very long part of my life I did not realise I was gay. Looking back now I can wonder how this passed me by for so long but maybe even that was part of my journey!
Once I realised my true sexuality it was somewhat of an epiphany for me, explaining so much about my life and my feelings and I think it also seems to have been a trigger in letting me start to link and relate to my inner energy. A further ‘motivation’ in my journey was being made redundant from my job. As someone who has been lucky enough to have jobs for long periods of time and then only moving when ‘head hunted’ or via networking, the prospect of no job and having to try and find one from scratch was quite a traumatic experience, especially in view of the ‘current economic climate’
In general I am lucky that I seem to have the temperament to stay calm and relaxed for most of the time and I do have a belief that ‘life’ looks after you and guides you for good reasons (even if the reason is not always obvious. ) Life, however decided to pile quite a lot onto me all in one go, to really push and test my beliefs to the limit I guess! It was at this time I stumbled across an advert for an ‘Introduction to Tantra’ weekend, and even though I wasn’t 100% sure what it was all about it just seemed to be something that I should try. I felt this was something significant, even if I didn’t understand why.
My First Tantra Course
I had done some Internet research and so perhaps was a little ‘influenced’ as to what it was all going to about, but since I was not entirely sure what I was looking for anyway I guess I still managed to keep an open mind. When discussing the weekend with other people though, I was painfully aware that I was making sure I stated I was off on a ‘meditation’ course and avoided the ‘T’ word at all costs! I did eventually confide in someone what I was doing and they effectively deduced it was going to be much like spending a weekend in a “gentleman’s sauna”! I guess this is one of the issues many people have to tackle when debating if Tantra could be for them and it is a fact that we all can be so easily influenced by media and popular opinion that sometimes we forget to look into our hearts and just follow what we believe. I guess this can be the hardest part sometimes of embarking on any new and unknown journey.
The Morning Before
So I guess not surprisingly, come the day of the course I was very unsure and it took a lot of effort and self motivation to get myself into the car and over to the event. I guess one of my reasons for writing this piece is in a hope that someone may read it and see that Tantra could be an interesting journey and thus to encourage them to take the first step. After all, it can be way to easy to just go with the voices and views of others and fall into the trap of assuming that feeling awkward, uncomfortable or unsure about something is a sign it is not right.
Another possible motivation for me was the thought that I felt if anything about the course was feeing odd I could always just sneak out and go home at the lunch break, so I might as well at least attend and see how it went. I guess I probably don’t need to mention that not only did I not leave early, but come the morning of the second day I just couldn’t wait to get out of my house and back to the course to learn more!
So what happened on that first morning? Like everyone there I was very nervous and extremely unsure what was about to happen and why I was there. I needn’t have been though as the course was so well structured and sympathetically carried out that we were led slowly step by step into the subject. I still recall that we never really worked out if we were being taken ‘down deeper’ or ‘up higher’. Even the phrase ‘further in’ doesn’t seem quite right! Suffice to say that I made it to the end of the second day (a two day course.)
I have to be honest and say that if I actually knew on Saturday morning all the details on what I would have done by Sunday evening, I may well have taken that option to sneak out at lunchtime, but it is a testament to the structure of the course and the skills of the tutors that at all times the philosophy of the water urn filling ‘one drop at a time’ really holds true here.
So like any good story, I will not spoil it for you by giving the plot away but instead try and describe some of the more generalised ways it has changed me.
I think it is worth mentioning that I still recall strongly the opening moments of the first course being introduced to the concept of Chakra’s and having an ‘ah ha’ moment as I realised that I had already found at least some of them and some of my inner energy, even though I had not until that moment quite realised what it was. I realise that everyone will be starting from different viewpoints, beliefs and backgrounds and so may almost certainly get more or less, or just different, benefits and experiences out of Tantra.
I have to also add that I am lucky in that I have been ‘blessed’ with some of my ‘circuits’ already partly tuned into the energy that Tantra (and many other beliefs and philosophies) extol, although before starting out on the Tantric journey I sometimes felt a little ‘odd’ in the way I reacted to certain stimulations. Sometimes it can be difficult to explain to someone that you are trying to get intimate with that although your skin is sensitive to touch and the smallest brush of a finger can make you shudder, that is not the same as being highly ticklish and even though you may shake and shiver and even gasp, that is a good and enjoyable thing for you! I soon also found out that if I looked likely to get past the ‘touching’ phase and onto a more intimate level, it was probably wise to pre-warn them that I don’t suffer from epilepsy but I may start having spasms and shaking all over, and if so that is a good thing and they are doing well! Up until the point that I attended that first Tanta course, I truly believed I was just a bit odd in that respect and that no one else in the world could possibly be the same. Realising that not only are there others out there the same but in fact people pay good money to try and be like that has been another epiphany for me and as I have progressed on my journey I now find it humbles me to realise I was blessed with that ‘head start’. Even so I am only just beginning to realise how much further potential this journey has.
Perhaps the above paragraph makes no sense until you have actually started working with Tantra? Suffice to say Tantra helps me enhance my sensitivity and I can get pleasure out of the smallest touch and have experienced waves of pure bliss unlike anything I had come across before.
I should add though that as I do more and try to integrate Tantric practices (did I mention that the word Tantra simply means ‘to weave’) it is becoming more and more apparent to me that Tantra is not something just to do with the bedroom. I guess the reason it has that link is that the Tantra aims to teach us to be aware of the energy in the universe and how it flows in and through us and the one energy point we all generally have no issues with noticing is that associated with sex. In many ways Tanta is more about encouraging us to get away from ‘traditional’ sex and realising that everything in life is sensual. Having that ‘tingle’ all over your body a lot of the time is an amazing thing and knowing that with continuous development, ritual and belief one day
the tingle and ecstatic feeling will be as natural as breathing is an amazing thought. The fact that one may have to learn how to stop having orgasms at every moment rather than trying to achieve multiple ones is a strange but desirable concept!
How Tantra Helps Me
Already I am finding that life is becoming an even more amazing place. The smallest thing can fill me with a warm glow and feeling of well being and oneness with the universe. After meditating I try and just stand outside as it is fantastic to literally get a feeling of ‘everything’ and ‘you’ being one – I guess a bit like pouring milk into tea and seeing how it all starts to stop being two separate things and melds into one.
Okay so now I have to be careful just what I write. Language sometimes can be an amazing thing but sometimes can also be a barrier. To try and describe something that has changed you, but that you do not fully understand yet, can result in using words that not only do not truly express what you are trying to communicate but also can actually paint the wrong sort or picture in other people’s minds. I am sure one thought that may be in the readers mind right now is that although they can see my enthusiasm, they also wonder if, at the end of the day, it may just all be mumbo jumbo?
Perhaps! I guess when you use words and phrases such as ‘Chakras’, ‘energy’, ‘the self resonating with the universe’, then you are really trusting in the reader to interpret those words in the same way that you understand and feel them, and that may not always work.
For me, I do feel ‘vibration’ and ‘energy’ and ‘tingles’ and I am a calmer person than I was before I started. I certainly feel different now. Maybe it is nothing more than getting more oxygen into my blood stream or perhaps chemical changes in me (in fact I believe many teachings do say you are physically changing the chemistry of the brain by meditating and other practices.) Believing in certain concepts helps focus and achieve results and so if you can look past the inadequacies of words and just try for the ‘result’ then maybe Tantra will work for you. An open mind and an open heart are all you need to start.