FAQ

We've compiled a list of the questions we're most frequently asked at Tantra4gaymen and we hope you find an answer to your question here.

If not, please do get in touch by visiting our contact us page.

FAQ Page

Course FAQ - Who can attend your courses?

Our courses are open to all men who love men, however you identify yourself whether gay, bisexual, transgender, or something else.

Course FAQ - What kind of people attend your courses?

Tantra means different things to different people. The motivations of the attendees coming to our courses are as varied as people are. Some guys attend our courses because they feel limited in their day to day life and want to explore alternative forms of being intimate with other men. Others come to explore and develop their spiritual part, to proceed in their way of self-development, or perhaps because they're looking for a supporting context in which they can explore different aspects of their personality and sexuality. Many also love the kick of experiencing something new, exciting and unknown. Given all of these motivations, we are used to welcoming a very wide variety of guys in our courses. We have had participants from the age of 18 to over 70, although usually the majority of men in our courses are between 25 and 45. Social and professional backgrounds of attendees also vary widely, and we like it very much to bring together people with different experiences of life to share. To sum it up, we cannot put it better than one of our participants put it: "At my first course, one of my biggest fears was to find myself alone among weird freaky people, but actually, everyone was surprisingly normal to me"

Course FAQ - How many people will there be on a course?

At our beginners' courses, group size is between 8 and 16. If there are more people, there will be several teachers in order to ensure that we can give adequate personal support to everyone. At some courses, the number of participants is limited - check the courses page for details.

Course FAQ - Do I need any prior knowledge or experience?

For our introductory courses you don't need any prior experience or knowledge. You only need a little sense of adventure and the willingness to venture on new and deep experiences with yourself and with other men.

Course FAQ - I feel that I may be not attractive or young enough to attend a course.

We are deeply sceptical about all the prescriptions and judgments society puts upon us as gay and bisexual men. How you look, how to have sex, how to conform to the ideal of the ever-hot young standardised stud, and if you do not, you will be rejected. Tantra aims at teaching you exactly the opposite. It is about learning how to feel comfortable, attractive, beautiful and loved as an individual and as a whole person, with all of your very personal perceived pros and cons. We offer this by honouring your body as it is here and now, as a fountain of infinite pleasure. It is our conviction that when it comes to sexuality, there is no right or wrong and no better or worse. There is just you and your potential to feel more ecstatic and more connected in your daily life.

Course FAQ - What if I have health problems?

Health problems are no general obstacle to participation in our courses, though certain exercises (such as movement or sitting in meditation positions) may pose a problem if you suffer from certain problems. If you are unsure, please check with your GP beforehand. Participation and your personal health are always your own responsibility. If you suffer from any chronic illnesses or mental health problems, we strongly recommend that you talk to your GP first.

Course FAQ - I often feel uncomfortable, uneasy and awkward in groups, especially if I don't know the people. Is this an obstacle?

We, your teachers, do remember how we felt when we attended our first tantra course years ago. We remember how frightened we felt, and this feeling of "what the f**** am I doing here". Probably everybody will feel exactly like this at their first course. If all of the people present feel as awkward as you in that moment this can build trust and intimacy in itself. Once the course begun, we can assure you of one thing: Tantric practice is very powerful in making you relaxed and bringing groups together. After a few sessions, most participants feel like they have known each other for ages, and entering the course room will feel a little bit like coming home to see a group of friends.

Course FAQ - What is it what really happens on your courses?

We believe that tantra can only be learned by practice, so all of our courses contain some lectures (where it's inevitable), but the focus is on practical and experiential exercises. The exercises vary very widely. They contain elements of different spiritual and therapeutic schools, such as bodywork, meditation, massage, breath work, movement, and communication. Some of them are very outgoing, active and even physically demanding, some others are very sensual, quiet or even meditative. Some exercises mean working in a group, alone or with a partner.

Course FAQ - Will someone make me do things I don't feel comfortable with?

It is one of our principles that it is always you who decides how far you want to go. If there are exercises you don't feel comfortable with, everyone will always respect your boundaries. We may invite you to explore your resistance to help you on your path, but your "No" is always respected and you will not be pressurised. If you feel unsafe and unsure, we will be happy to support you in feeling safe and in finding a way that works for you.

Course FAQ - Will I have to take my clothes off?

During many of our exercises, we wear light clothing or sarongs. Some exercises feel and work much better without clothes (have you ever enjoyed a good massage fully clothed?). We are aware of the fact that being naked in a group isn't easy in the beginning, and here again, we will help you to find ways to make you feel more comfortable. Everything in Tantra has a sense of ritual and awareness as we approach different elements of the course. Therefore even in simple acts like removing your clothes, attention is paid to ensure this is done in a safe, secure and conscious way enabling you to challenge any areas for personal development.

Course FAQ - Will there be penetrative sex during the courses?

All introductory, intermediate and advanced level courses penetrative sex is not part of the programme. At masters level some sexual acts you may find difficult today are no longer obstacles to experience your true tantric potential. Everything in our courses is offered to you. It is your own free choice whether you choose to participate. You will never be coerced into doing anything you do not feel comfortable with. On residential courses outside of the programme each course member is free to do what they want as in everyday life.

Course FAQ - Can I bring my partner? And if I come alone: Will I be made to do intimate exercises with persons I don't like?

You are welcome to attend our courses with or without your partner. In fact the majority of our participants that is more than 70% choose to come here as singles. There are many partnered exercises, some less and some more intimate. These are usually a fun way to get in touch with the other guys. We encourage a fully integrated group that means all group participants work together and move through any issues of judgements about themselves or other group members. However we appreciate for a whole range of reasons it may feel difficult and challenging to work with some group members. This will be handled sensitively and your No means No. You maybe invited to challenge this resistance for your personal development but again will not be coerced into doing anything you feel uncomfortable with. For couples we offer the option to be "deep divers" during the course which means they will do all the more intimate exercises together.

Course FAQ - I am interested in what you do, but actually I am not religious nor into spirituality. Is Tantra the right thing for me?

Tantra4gaymen does not conform to any religious or spiritual group or sect. We do not subscribe to a religion, but to individuality, spiritual experience and diversity. Even we, your teachers, hold very divergent beliefs, from spiritual new age orientated to scientific scepticism. Therefore you do not need any spiritual or religious convictions for Tantra to be relevant for you. The exercises we teach are partly issued from various spiritual traditions, partly from psychotherapy. During some of the exercises, namely the more advanced ones, people frequently have ecstatic experiences, in the sense that they feel a connection to something that they describe in terms of "bigger than myself", "transcendent" or "cosmic". These experiences are one of the most wonderful rewards of long-term tantric practice. You are free to interpret them however you want, this is individual to each person and we generally prefer to let these experiences be what they are, in their individual experience, diversity and stunning beauty.

Course FAQ - What if I don't want other people to know that I attended your course?

All course attendees information is kept strictly confidential. This means that all data about you is securely stored and confidentiality is only broken when it is legally required. It is expected that all course participants keep confidential the identity of other groups members and other peoples experiences on any courses. Equally in the outside world, if we, your teachers meet you, we will not acknowledge you directly to respect you confidentiality. We will only respond if you make an initial contact.

Course FAQ - What about Safe Sex?

We are 100% passionate about safe and ethical practice. In all of the exercises / practices that we offer we strongly encourage you and provide you with information and items to promote safe practice. It is your personal responsibility to ensure your own sexual safety throughout attending a course. If we observe unsafe practice we will invite you to amend your practice safely and immediately. If not adhered to you will be asked to leave the course. Any concerns should be raised with your course tutor immediately. As tutors we actively keep ourselves informed about the latest guidelines relating to safer sex practices.

Massage FAQ - Will the massuer and I be naked in the massage?

Yes. Our masseurs are trained to offer you a highly sensual and intimate experience. From our experience we feel it helps to create mutual trust and respect for each other if the massuer is naked with you. Our masseurs will treat you with the utmost care and respect and will ask if it is ok to undress you. Our clients tell us that this can feel such an intimate experience that they have not had before.

Massage FAQ - Can I touch the Masseur

Our masseurs are trained to take you on a journey of ectasy and bliss. We feel its important that the boundaries between client and massuer are respected. This helps you to feel safe, secure and knowing that the massuer is there to offer you the most fantastic massage. We feel that if its important for you to touch your massuer then it can become something other than the massage experience you have purchased. However, we also understand that sometimes it can feel more comfortable just by placing a hand on your massuers leg. Please do chat to your masseur beforehand and both agree what is appropriate for you in this massage within the boundaries of the massage offered.

Massage FAQ - Can I / Will I ejaculate in the Massage

Each tantric massage we offer is different. In some of the massages it is important to 'hold on' to you energy, other massges don't have any genital contact. Where neither of those is appropriate, then we invite you to relax and let your body respond however it responds. If you have an erection in your massage, great, if you don't have an erection in your massage, great. Everything is ok and you are accepted just as you are.

Massage FAQ - Will the masseur become sexual too / cum?

We believe its really important that the boundaries between client and massuer are respected. It would be unfair of our massuers to engage in sexual contact with you because that would take away from what it is that you have purchased. Our masseurs role is to pamper you and facilitate the best tantric experience for you. If they were to engage in sexual contact with you, then it would mean they maybe looking after their own needs and not yours. You are paying for the time of massuers who are dedicated in that moment to your sheer ectasy and pleasure.

Massage FAQ - Can I bring a partner to watch?

Typically your experience is between you and your massuer. Sometimes though partners like to come and recieve a double appointment i.e. one massage after another. Please send us an E-mail if you would like to organise a partner session.

Massage FAQ - What oil do you use?

We typically use nut free, plant based oils for our massage. If you have any allergies please tell us about these when you book an appointment in the 'anything we should know about you' box.

Massage FAQ - Can I shower afterwards

Most of our masseurs offer the use of a shower after a massage. Where no shower is available, the masseur will offer you body wipes to cleanse your body from oil.  

Massage FAQ - Do I need to bring anything with me?

NO. Just a body yearning to be massaged, and a warm and open heart to receive the massage.

Massage FAQ - Do I need any prior tantric experience for the massage?

You don't need any previous experience of Tantra to recieve one of our massges. Our Masseurs will explain everything necessary about the session before it begins. If you have any questions please do ask your Masseur. The TAO Sensual and the Genital Masage are excellent Tantric masages for starters.

Massage FAQ - I have problems with my erection – can I still have a massage?

Tantra believes that your body responds perfectly. We feel it doesn't matter whether you have an erection or not to experience the powerful and sometimes transformative nature of tantric massage. We offer you to let go of any judgements or views about getting an erection and allow your body to sink into and enjoy the massage being offered.

Massage FAQ - I want to become a Tantric Masseur

Great! please send us an e-mail and lets discuss that somemore. We offer full tantric training and advice on everything you need to get started. As you can see we offer a unique online booking system as well as many other benefits too.